I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
