you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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