It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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