dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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