I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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