Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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