youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We are two peas in an std pod
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize