So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
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I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
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She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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