Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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