I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
