I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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