he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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