Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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