Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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