I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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