Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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