no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
