I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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