3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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