feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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