C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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