so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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