i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
