thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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