New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
