we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I want to be your penis for a week.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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