Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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