don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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