Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
