i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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