i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
