So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
