Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
