i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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