I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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