What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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