I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
its liver damage thursday
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