i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
