you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
