I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
