I wish I could teleport
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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