I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
