I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
