So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
