no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
