dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize