i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Who died my cat blue again?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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