Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't want my vagina anymore.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
