i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
