Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
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Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
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What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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