you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
