i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize