I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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