The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
