I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
