there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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