i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
